Eight Reasons to NOT Send Your Daughter to College (explained to the daughter)

Because I went to college and became a writer, I was able to write a story about simulating the physics of spaceflight. Now I'm ashamed of my arrogance.
Because I went to college and became a writer, I was able to do a magazine story about simulating the physics of spaceflight. Now I’m ashamed of my unfeminine arrogance and of the money that I earned.

A Catholic website devoted to resurrecting proper family values recently made some waves with a blog post titled 6 Reasons (+2) to NOT Send Your Daughter to College.

Fix the Family is “the flagship program of a lay Catholic teaching Apostolate.” It was founded in 2010 by “2 Catholic family men.” It teaches that women should not go to college or hold jobs.

“We are NOT saying that sending a girl to college or women working is a sin,” Fix the Family co-founder Raylan Alleman says to introduce the topic. “But after looking at the issues we raise, we could challenge anyone to convince us that college for girls is not a near occasion of sin.”

Because a young woman is capable of making the decision to become a wife for the rest of her life, but is not capable of making the decision to further her education for four years, this Fix the Family piece speaks solely to parents. Therefore, I worried that this important article is not accessible to the people it affects most.

So we’ll be using the original article’s subtitles and an original quote to summarize each argument, and then I’ll translate the material to speak clearly to you, the modern Catholic girl.

Here we go!

1)      “She will attract the wrong types of men.”

“…lazy men who are looking for a mother-figure in a wife are very attracted to this responsible, organized, smart woman who has it all together along with a steady paying job with benefits. So if he wants to go to work he can, but if not he can always fall back on her income.”

Girls, here’s the bottom line: Smarts don’t attract smarts. If you pull good grades so you can get a good job and manage your own health insurance, it’s, like, a dinner bell for slackers. The petroleum engineers who graduate summa cum laud and have $80,000/year starting offers from Exxon Mobile will literally be running away every time you walk your brainy butt into the room. The only guy who’ll like you is the one who still smokes weed with his band in the garage on Tuesday afternoon because you have a paycheck so why should he work? Going to college = lazy bastard husband and it’s all your fault.

2)      “She will be in a near occasion of sin.”

“Just think of the environment that college-age students live in. You have a heavy concentration of young people all living together without the supervision of parents in the most sexually charged state of life they will experience…Is a degree worth the loss of your daughter’s purity, dignity, and soul?”

Ladies, since this is an 18-and-over audience, I’m gonna get real here. We’re talking about P-R-E-M-A-R-I-T-A-L S-E-X. Now bear in mind that I’m only even mentioning this to make God’s will known to you. Wait until Mom goes shopping and you’re home alone. Then grab a make-up mirror, pull down your pants, and look at (DON’T touch) your vagina. Philosopher René Descartes thought the soul was located in the pineal gland inside the brain (that’s all college-level stuff so don’t worry about it, you don’t need to know). But he was wrong. It’s in the vagina. And if you take Psychology 101, Calculus 121 or English 400 alongside the boys, your soul will fall out under the desk like a sanitary napkin you forgot to zip into your backpack pocket.

There I am, in purple, during my college days. Now I'm ashamed of all the reckless, sexually irresponsible outings like this one.
There I am, in purple, during my college days. Now I’m ashamed to have thought that all the reckless, sexually irresponsible outings like this one were fun.

3)      “She will not learn to be a wife and mother.”

“Nothing that is taught in a college curriculum is geared toward domestic homemaking…a career woman…faces the reality that she has no training in homemaking and often has the thought ‘What would I do at home all day.’ Stay-at-home mothers are actually very busy industrious women and do absolutely marvelous things.”

It’s impossible to take college classes and also practice cooking, cleaning and child-care off campus. And there are no academic topics that tie into housekeeping or parenting. Accounting classes will NOT help you with household budgeting and investments, literature courses will NOT help you develop a passionate, well-informed worldview to share with your family, classes in child psychology will NOT help you understand your kids’ development, and art courses will NOT help you build a fun, creative home.

Going to college will never help you carve a pumpkin like this for your kids' Halloween.
Going to college will never help you carve a pumpkin like this for your kids’ Halloween.

All women automatically want to be wives and mothers, and trust me, being a stay-at-home mom will fill all your interests. Do you love medical science? Imagine how awesome it will be to put the occasional Band-Aid on. Dig physics or chemistry? Just imagine, like, watching an egg get all solid when you boil it for lunch. Duh of course CEOs, police officers and engineers should be men, but what tons of people don’t know is that teachers, gynecologists, social workers, lactation consultants and certified nurse midwives should all be men, too.  

4)      “The cost of a degree is becoming more difficult to recoup.”

“…we’re seeing situations where not only is the income not enough to support a family, but many are strapped with student loan debt. Add to that the possibility of not even being able to get a job with the degree and you have economic disaster for a family before they even get started.”

You might have heard newscasters blabbing about “the recession” and “the student loan crisis.” That means the country is doing kind of stinky right now and it’s hard to find a job but everything is even über-crappier because a lot of college grads are trying to pay off about $30,000 in loans and all they can get is an unpaid internship!!! Babe I know double standards are hard to understand, but do your best. Men should make the college gamble no matter what, but you should NOT.

5)      “You don’t have to prove anything to the world.”

“Often the reason for a girl going to college is the pressure of the society around her, including her parents…So parents and their daughters often beam with pride in announcing what university she will attend. Astonishingly even homeschool parents fall into this folly.”

“Folly” is kind of an old-fashioned word.  It means “foolishness” or “idiocy.” It can be hard to accept that your parents aren’t perfect. But if your parents send you to college, they are idiots. LOL! When your parents were visiting campuses with you, they were NOT doing it out of some big concern for your future. They were doing it so they could prove themselves to their ungodly feminist neighbors.

What were this woman's parents trying to prove, letting her become a beekeeper?
What were this woman’s parents trying to prove by letting her become a beekeeper?

6)      “It could be a near occasion of sin for the parents.” 

“In our culture many parents feel an unnecessary obligation to pay for the children’s college tuition…So parents may avoid having more children with contraception, sterilization, or illicit use of Natural Family Planning to bear this cost.”

Don’t you want more brothers and sisters? Well if your parents pay for your degree they won’t be able to afford more kids. If you go to college, your mom might go on the pill or your dad might get a vasectomy or they’ll avoid having S-E-X while your mom is ovulating and that’s a mortal sin when it’s done for a stupid, selfish reason like educating you. Getting a scholarship, working your way through school or paying your own loans by getting a job (LOL!!) are NOT solutions. Remember, it’s the quantity of kids you have, not the quality!!

7)      “She will regret it.”

“The more we talk about this prudent option for girls, the more we have women who are willing to admit to the regret they possess for having bought into the lie of the dual-career family…neglecting their children and restricting their childbearing to such an extent that they don’t want to even think about it.”

Mr. Alleman and his wife, who know what is best for you.
Mr. Alleman (left), who knows what is best for you because he is a Catholic family man who has a website.

Yeah, a man you’ve never met does have the right to decide what is best for you and your family. He’s also, like, psychic so he knows exactly how every woman’s life is going to turn out and what she will and won’t regret. As you grow up you’ll find more and more that the true joy of being a woman is that other people can make all your important life decisions for you, even if the people are strangers on the internet with a super-obvious personal agenda.

8)      “It could interfere with a religious vocation.”

“Catholic seminaries and religious orders do not accept candidates who have substantial unpaid debt.”

If you have student loans, you might not be able to become a nun. If that doesn’t convince you NOT to go to college, what would?!! *hugs*

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18 Comments

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  1. I…. wha???…. can’t wrap…. disbelief… seriously??? Speechless…
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. This is extremist Westboro Baptist type crap. It won’t go away. I turn a blind eye.

  3. Hmm… I find it very interesting that the solution to lazy men playing in a band in their garage and mooching off of a woman is to prevent there from being any women to mooch off of. Because I’m sure if all women were ignorant and helpless then those long-haired hippies would man up and get a real job and take care of their women!

    I also find it fascinating that women will find these slovenly type of men so irresistibly attractive that they won’t be able to help themselves from clinging to one and giving him all of her college-educated money and making him sandwiches all day. Because we all know that if it has a penis, a woman will instantly want nothing more than to adore and serve it.

    :/

    • The important thing to remember is that as a woman, it’s ALL YOUR FAULT. Do slackers like you? Your fault. Husband lazy or underemployed? Your fault. Family struggling? Your fault because you have a degree and a paycheck. Parents not conceiving as often as they should? Your fault…It’s true about the genitalia. Keeping women away from college is really about all…those…penises!

      • Oh my gosh! I just realized, Alaina! I have TWO bachelor’s degrees and a master’s degree! Dammit, NO WONDER I’m single and childless at almost age 40! Woe is me! I did this to myself! All those years of moving to interesting places and meeting interesting people from around the world, learning about different cultures and having memorable experiences, all those books I have written in fulfillment of a lifelong dream? Oh how I regret them! Because I missed my true calling of wife and mother, and now I can never get that back! I’ll just go take my independently supporting, fulfilling artistic career and go cry in a corner over the waste I have made of my uterus! 😛

      • If you had had sons, Merry, you could have groomed THEM to be authors and we all would have been a lot better off. I wonder what is worse – marrying a man who doesn’t become your sole provider, or not getting married at all. This article doesn’t even entertain the possibility that some girls might not want to get married. And it does not explain the bizarre phenomenon of my own marriage: a smart, organized, responsible female college graduate who married a smart, responsible, hardworking man who splits the bills with me instead of playing video games all day.

  4. First a quote. I like Jane Austen and I think Mr. Alleman would gladly have quoted colonel Brandon and described you as the worst of libertines.

    Alleman sounds like a politician (or Gaston), there might be fractions of truth here and there, but without education it’s a lot easier being fooled. I hope most educated people can reasonably tell when they are being lied to (philosophy, rhetoric and logic alone are useful tools). This snake is using those tools himself and that makes him, as well as politicians, a threat to people who don’t have the same tools in their box. Apart from the joy of learning and getting a career, education is also necessary to navigate safely through life these days, but you are not the one I need to convince. I am trying, in my job as a middle school teacher, to plant some seeds among my pupils, but I’m not sure how well I’m succeeding. Motivating kids that don’t have any drive at all is the hard part of my job.

    • As a working wife who is so far childless by choice I’m sure I’m worse than a libertine. There’s probably no word in Alleman’s vocabulary to describe me.

      I’m curious about what you think are the “fractions of truth” in this piece. The only things I can think of is that he’s right, the economy’s bad and the cost of college is inflated, and that stay-at-home moms can in fact keep busy. Plus the thing about the soul in the vagina is true too.

      You can quote Jane Austen anytime over here.

  5. You are right. There isn’t much truth, if any, in Mr. Alleman’s blog. I was thinking more in general terms. we just had our parlamentary election and they play that game well. You mentioned the cost of education as one fraction. Undoubtedly it is expensive if you only look at the cost. I have friends that went to trade school that are matching my salary, and they have no student loan. I am still paying 13 years after I completed my degree. There are always examples that will support your view.

    Other than that there are some lies young people can buy into. I suspect this works on some of them. They could for example look at how some mothers, maybe even their own, have struggled and then start thinking. Maybe I can’t have a career and be a mother at the same time. Maybe their struggles were more about a bad choice of partner, but of course Alleman doesn’t want alternative solutions.

    It sounds to me that what Mr. Alleman really wants to say is that we should have a return to a creepy, biblical society where the father chooses a partner for his children. This socalled decent christian is deliberately manipulating young minds. His blog is filled with simplifications, lies and at best half-truths, but I am sure that some among his readers find what they tnink are more than fractions of truth. It sounds completely crazy to me, but even David Icke is able to convince some people using the same strategy..

    • I feel like one could try to pick out all the logical fallacies in Alleman’s worldview, but there are just too many and they’re too loopy to justify with any real analysis. The bottom line is that everything he writes points back to keeping women as powerless, subordinate members of society who are stripped of even the most basic decision-making agency at all ages. I agree that there’s something really sinister going on in his ideas. I read them with a laugh as well as a shiver.

      Saying that the idea of working mothers is a failure is like giving somebody a job, and requiring him to work long hours that are at odds with his personal needs, downplaying his skills and smarts, criticizing him for coming into work, and paying him less than his peers, and then saying that his job is a failed experiment. Perhaps working women wouldn’t have it so hard if the Allemans of the world stopped pushing back against them.

  6. LOVE the comedy captions! Thanks for this entertaining and alarming post.

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