I’d like to tell you about US Airways
Put up your seatback and stow your trays.
Fly US Airways, if you so dare –
Yes, you may save a tiny bit on the fare,
BUT for the price of a cross-ocean flight
I wish the staff had at least been polite.
I asked an attendant: “are there peppers in the meal?”
“I don’t know,” he sighed like an absolute heel.
An attendant with customs forms blew impatiently by,
Returning only with a verbal roll of the eye.
One slung food without looking, or smiling, or saying “you’re welcome”
(Though I think answering “thank you” is a good rule of thumb).
Even the in-flight blankets left us chilly and bothered –
One, who knows why, was half the size of the other.
As we exited the plane, no friendly “goodbye” would atone:
The bored-looking attendant just stood like a stone.
If things had gone well on the ground, I might have let bygones been.
But both of our suitcases were nowhere to be seen.
To the bowels of the airport, the luggage counters, STAT!
Where US Airways staff, bless them, informed us that
“Sometimes folks are told that their bags are on the plane,
When really, the bags aren’t.” Oops, what a pain.
So instead of riding happily across the Atlantic below
All our possessions were left somewhere at Heathrow.
For two days, I called the office where the fate of lost luggage is writ.
Let me tell you what they know: absolutely sh**.
But low and behold, three days later, our suitcases appeared,
So it seemed things weren’t quite as bad as I’d feared.
But then I saw it: oh no, you’ve got to be kidding.
For worst airline ever, you’ve won the bidding.
A large pocket: totally ripped, its whole contents lost,
Including many items of high personal cost.
My make-up, my toiletries, my camis, socks and bras,
And a present from Africa for my beloved sister-in-law.
But the worst thing, perhaps (things are SO out of whack),
Is that I simpered with gratefulness at getting SOME stuff back.
I can be forgiving, and cut others some slack:
There’re lots of reasons for how people act.
Am I ever going to fly US Airways again, though?
No, no, no, no, no, no. No!