“What The Hell Is Running Through Young People’s Minds?” (A Response)

One of my favorite bloggers makes it his constant business to enumerate all of the ways that damned young people are ruining the world. Mr. Donald Mills over at The Problem With Young People Today Is… recently published a pie chart which illuminates the thoughts of young women versus old women, as a follow-up to an equally inflammatory pie chart on the thoughts of young men versus old men.

With all due respect to Mr. Mills (who is one of very few writers I know who is both scathing and courtly), I find that he left a few things out. Therefore, I’d like to offer my own research as a valuable addendum. Not only am I actually a young person, I spend time every week caring for old people. This makes me uniquely qualified to delve into the human mind at any stage of life.

Here’s what is going on in old people’s minds.

Sensible stuff? You decide.

Here is what’s going on in young people’s minds.

If you find that I’ve left anything out, or I’ve dealt unfairly with the young or the old, by all means, set me right in the comments. And if you still haven’t gotten over to The Problem With Young People Today Is…, what are you waiting for?




Add yours →

  1. I’ve just discovered his blog and I think he is beyond hilarious.

  2. Fine work, Alaina.

    I’m not sure I agree 100% on the fixation with having adult children move in next door, though. In fact, a good number of the old folks I know are still struggling with finding a way to get their adult children to move out of their damned basement.

    They might be happy if they moved next door but I suspect would prefer that they ventured a little further afield. (For optimal family happiness, I generally recommend that people put a minimum of times zones between themselves and their adult children. It’s really in everyone’s best interest).

    All the best,


    • Thanks Don, I’m glad you approve. What you say is true – there are many parents out there who wish that their children would go a bit farther afield. However, I left home at a pretty young age, and now I find that my parents would like nothing better than to have me back. I guess the grass is always greener with you older folks.

  3. Never said we wanted you back HOME, just back in the area would be fine – with children or granddogs. And who says we (old people) are not still thinking about having the body of Catherine? Oh BTW I just squeezed the last bit of ketchup out the leftover McDonald’s packet. Packets of soy sauce from East Moon are next. Waste not, want not 😉

    • Actually, you really aren’t even that old – especially for parents of children in their late twenties. I guess you’re right, some thoughts do remain universal to young and old alike. Though I’ll never squeeze sauce packets with your fanatical fervor.

  4. This is all probably so accurate that it should be frightening to anyone who seriously considers it. Well done.

  5. LOVE this one, Alaina!! Especially love the govt handouts/GI Bill. I might add something about arriving at any given event “on time” – ie 30 minutes early…

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