Comments on: It Would Be Better If I’d Never Been Born: Depression and Parenthood

By: Alaina Mabaso

Alaina Mabaso — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 14:22:17 +0000

Thanks. I hear from some quarters that sharing so much about my life might not be a good choice. But my intention is always to help others who might struggle similarly, or help folks think about something important. Your comments are always welcome.

By: Tirah

Tirah — Wed, 06 Jun 2012 12:53:14 +0000

Thank you Alaina for another insightful post. Your experience clearly has given you strength and wisdom. Your willingness to share your story helps so many.

By: Alaina Mabaso

Alaina Mabaso — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 20:51:42 +0000

Thanks so much for sharing. I wish you the best for your pregnancy and motherhood. I think you’re right about the value of empathy in supporting a child who turns out to have your illness. There’s so many things that can affect a human being – wouldn’t it be kind of providential if it turns out to be something that the parent is very knowledgeable about? I never heard of a kid with zero health problems – why not have a kid with your health problems? at least you have some experience…

I can imagine what a curse OCD can be, especially if you feel like you can’t talk about it. Good for you for instigating the discussion.

By: Erica

Erica — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 20:30:17 +0000

Thanks for your candid honesty. As a pregnant woman with OCD (and medicated for it), I have thought about how I would never want my child to suffer with the pain of this disorder. However, studies are still inconclusive regarding the impact of genetics vs the effects of one’s psychosocial environment on mental illness. I am beingclosely monitored by several docs as I taper my (incredibly helpful) medication down and risk worsening symptoms to avoid having a baby born in withdrawal. This has been a difficult but empowering decision and I feel incredibly supported. Ultimately, if my child ends up with OCD, who better to support, educate, and empathize with her than her own mother? As a child some of my anxiety revolved around feeling different and a code of silence regarding mental illness in my family. I’ve broken the taboo and know that destigmatizing and talking about OCD with family can provide much-needed bonding and supportive conversations.

By: Alaina Mabaso

Alaina Mabaso — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 17:24:32 +0000

Thanks as always for reading and for your comments. So true that no-one is “safe” from anything.

By: Pink Ninjabi

Pink Ninjabi — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 17:07:20 +0000

Your article with personal insight is amazing. From my developmental psychology and abnormal psychology courses (I hate the word abnormal, but anyhow), even if say, two parents with schizophrenia give birth to a child, the child only has a 25% chance of manifesting this as many other factors such as protective and risk factors come into play. And the scariest thing of course is that even with all the protective factors in the world, it does not guarantee you are ‘safe’ from a mental illness. So I mean, it’s like a crap shoot pretty much. We can’t genetically determine who gets what. Too many articles, pop psychology and the like, make sweeping statements without much research or scientific analysis. And then, lo behold, it becomes a mass opinion. It’s sad really, and I really wish writers of such articles would consider the impact of their opinions…

Pink.

By: Alaina Mabaso

Alaina Mabaso — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 15:05:44 +0000

Thanks! I’m glad you found this worthwhile. Shocking, what you say about no guarantees.

By: lzmeritz

lzmeritz — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 15:02:42 +0000

A brave and wise post. I agree with you. There are no guarantees in life about anything and most things are a nature/nurture mix.

By: Alaina Mabaso

Alaina Mabaso — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 13:52:03 +0000

I am hoping that when I have kids I can work out something healthy between traditional American parenting and attachment parenting. I want to provide more physical/emotional support to my kids than the traditional American parenting model, but from what I understand about attachment parenting, that would totally wear me out because I’m a person who needs her own space to recharge. Maybe if we attachment-parent the baby can be attached to Lala while I rest…Thanks as always for weighing in.

By: Anna

Anna — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 06:12:05 +0000

Right on Alaina! And for what it’s worth, I’ve read (and my intuition agrees) that attachment parenting practices, which keep babies close to their parents and respect infants’ communication of their needs, can affect brain chemistry in a real, long-term way.